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for what I felt, seeing you, hugging you and crying with you just now angel, I have no words

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I really don't want to talk about it...with anyone...ever. it hurts too much. My heart broke into tiny little pieces today as only he knows how to...again...and again...and AGAIN. Ungrateful son of a bitch, all the magic, romance, and love that I've brought to you, only for you to put us through this again. Of all the little hearts that children draw in their school notebooks representing love, you're the exception, the antihero, no, the evil villain. To make me feel better, according to you, you do this in order to become a temporary vessel once again between the tip of my thumb typing this "ado" into my iphone 5 and the occasional glimpse of that microscopic piece of truth reserved for me, which lies suspended in the perfect infinite yet unchanging and timeless unperceivable universe beyond our senses. Reality with a capital "R," that which created us and at the same time we create it. God. May be. Angel, I knew this would be my life from now on.

Instead, I'll tell you how I may or may not die within the next 15 minutes...

While walking up the street feeling like shit, it adds a bit to the drama, how I have to hold the left part of my chest with my right hand over the cord resting under my puffy coat that connects my iphone to my new headphone earmuffs, in order to be able to keep the sound art of Dizzy Gillespie in both my ears instead of just the left one. local 86th and 3rd passersby will forever giggle-out stories of a guy with a funny-looking puffy coat, found after peek hours, lying face down on the side of the road tastefully but tragically murdered by a jazzy heart attack with beginnings in his left eardrum, on his way to buy odor-control bedding for his dwarf hamster Carmelita at Petco. dying listening to Dizzy? not too shabby. I'm paying a ridiculous bill at AT&T now, which will definitely contribute to this untimely end of me. this is the name costumer service here knows me by, and probably how I will be remembered...

The Greatest Sin

When it comes to human relationships at least, specially where there is love or there could be love, the best advice you can give to someone seeking your advice, is: "DO NOT listen to anyone's advice." The only thing you can and should do for someone seeking your advice in this situation, is simply listen. Every single human relationship is a whole different universe, no one has the right, or the ability to give the correct advice for something as unique as a human relationship. Even if both sides of the story were narrated to you in specific detail, you will never know the truth or the Reality that exists there, unless you experience exactly what they did up to this point in their lives as individuals and in the relationship, in every possible aspect. Although we all perceive, therefore are affected by, experiences differently. Each individual involved in a relationship has a unique personal and shared physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual life, infinite with undefinable multiphasic experiences. In conclusion, don't you dare fuck with a relationship, specially where there is love or there could be love. If there is a hell, and there was ever a good reason to deserve a fucked up eternity in flames, you can be certain that this is the greatest sin you can ever commit.

I'm ok 2013

   What can I say about 2012. I lost an angel. She left me three gifts of wisdom. Honesty, Humility, Empathy. I missed the holidays with my family. But I made three new wonderful friends who let me in on their 31st. I'm still going to try to go home in January, I miss my babies too much. A lot of fun business to take care of here first though. Playing for a living, teaming up with some of the sweetest most talented people in this city, requires its sacrifices too I guess. 

   Ahhh I miss everyone and everything that beautiful sunlight kisses in El Salvador. It's a perfect January 1st 5:00am here in New York City though. First client at Gracie's Cafe with my buddies here who opened the kitchen early to make me a lumberjack breakfast; reminiscing about 2012, looking up, staring off, sighing out loud. And I'm ok. I'm just ok. Smiling like a creep. Here's to another imperfect year, full of losses, gains, bad decisions, lessons learned...love. Let it be ok again, let the imperfect, the good and the bad together, make it perfect again. 

   Thank you God (you call it universe, law of attraction, karma, mind power)...every day. Thank you. For giving me the courage to write shit like this that everyone can see, for one. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to help others every day, there is no greater reward than that natural pleasure. Fuck money. You reading this...you're infinitely unique, beautiful and precious. The human being you are is more wonderful and complete than anything else you're trying to become. Believe it, believe in something, everything is possible. What one man can do any man can; what no man can do, any man can as well. 

   Start expressing yourself, write on your facebook wall, write weird shit like this, because it's not weird, we've all got it in there wanting to come out. That's news that Really matters. Let it out, affect the world, and let the world affect you. Only then will you be able to create a Real connection with it. Life's not that short, take your time, enjoy every single little crumb. Make love to every step you take. Ohhh I know I do. These have been the ramblings of a self-proclaimed poet, madly in love with everything that is, and is not yet. So, with no further ado, here's to another perfect 365 days.

Happy New Years you ;)